boo, i'm not allowed on facebook.

it's boring, you guys. BORING AS HELL. i mean, it's okay here, but the actual groups and therapy are very spread out and we have SO MUCH DOWNTIME.  i really need excitement. please send me mail.

my therapist is good. she is recovered.

girls are ok, not close to any of them. they are 20, 25, and 38.

i haven't gained weight. it's a fucking miracle. okay, i feel as if i have gained weight, but my dietician said i lost 4 lbs. i can not explain it. she's going to tell me my weight in my next session so maybe i'll believe that she's not making it up once i know.

the only medical complication i seem to have is edema. but it's not nearly as bad here as at renfrew, and since at renfrew i gained 15 lbs by my 10th day i am realizing that their methods of refeeding really sucked and didn't serve me. i'm on a very low meal plan here. but  i am also obsessing a bout food. it's so complicated, ugh.

abilify seems to be helping my depression, although i get spurts of really bad deep sadness still. i am so tired every night that i dont even need a sleep aid anymore.

i am really glad my mental clarity was helpful to some people, i am really trying to hang on to that mindset this time. there would be nothing good about going back to ED after this. i can not do it.

i have no idea how long i'll be here.

omfg. someone on youtube did this drawing for me. amazing. i can't believe how caring and amazing the people on my youtube account are.

for those of you who aren't friends with me on facebook,





( here are some of the pics my sister took of me in june )

friends only! comment me and i'll add you!